I had planned to do another reflective post a while back when I had the job and thought I might be happier. Things didn't end up working out as I'd have liked, but I still want to reflect on the time that has passed since it has been a while since I've done a reflective post, and stuff has happened (though, unfortunately, not a lot).
The first thing I wanted to discus was the job I held for an impressive two days. I'd found searching for jobs really rough and , though my confidence was low I persisted, determined to apply for as many suitable positions as I could. Considering this you could probably imagine my delight when I was offered an interview roughly two months after I'd began this process. Even better, I was offered the job right there on the spot. It seemed too good to be true! Well, it was. I quickly learned that I would have to be working until late at night- later than I'd have liked or felt comfortable working- or they wouldn't be able to take me on. Although this did frighten me and made me feel wary of taking the job after thinking it through carefully I decided that I would take the job anyway. I would be earning my own money and it would give me an opportunity to get out of the house and meet people my age (I was told the company employed a lot of younger people like myself). Plus it would be great experience and something to put on my CV. My first day was a disaster and I was pretty hesitant to go back afterwards. I worked in the kitchen and was told I would receive training, though this was not discussed when I began working. This was probably because they were severely understaffed, and for a long period it was just me and one of the managers working in the kitchen. Since I hadn't been trained all I could do was wash pots, which wasn't a great deal of fun (actually it was really awful, and was probably the one aspect of the job that really got to me). Despite the fact that I was desperate not to go back and was already miserable even though I'd only worked there for a day I thought I should try and stick it out. At least until the end of the week, though a whole month would be better if I could. However, the second day really broke me. I asked to leave that day, I realised I couldn't wash pots for even a single second more. I was also being kept way past twelve though I'd been told that was when I would finish. Actually, that was pretty irritating- if I'd known I would be working beyond midnight I doubt I would have taken the job. I'll try not to ramble on too much about this, though. I think it's a shame that the first job I was offered ended up being so terrible, and it almost makes me feel worse having quit so soon. However, I feel like this was the trial period I wasn't offered- if I'd known it would have been like this I wouldn't have taken the job at all. I'm not sure whether I'll keep applying for jobs- I don't want a repeat of this. I'll definitely be more careful next time; I won't apply to everything I see just to make a point. For the next few months I plan on going back to the voluntary job I'd been doing- I don't get paid but I prefer the work there and I think that's more important.
I've been...I don't want to call it a diet because it's not, I generally tend to refer to it as my healthy lifestyle but saying 'I've been on my healthy lifestyle' sounds really strange. Anyway, I've kept up my lifestyle changes quite well actually. Quite well for me, at least. I think I've done pretty well in avoiding sugar and fatty food. I could do better, but I think this is quite a good start. I know it's unrealistic for me to expect myself to completely avoid sugar and fatty foods altogether since I'm a bit of an addict and complete restriction could lead to me ending up over doing it and indulging way too much. Plus I'd be really unhappy. I think the diet thing is actually a pretty huge achievement for me since it's what I've always struggled with. I'm trying to keep it up but also get even better- I've had a few more slips than I'd have liked. Having said that, usually when I slip I fall, and I haven't done that this time, which is something I'm hugely proud of. We also bought a new Zumba Wii game and I'm just slightly crazy about it, which is pretty awesome. It's nice to know that I'm enjoying something that is also really beneficial for me, and it helps keep me motivated. I'm actually doing one hour classes, which (apparently) burn around six hundred calories. The only disappointing thing is that I don't feel like I've lost much weight. I know it's not really supposed to be about that, but focusing on fat loss, at least a bit, gives me something more to work for. I'm going to try and remain undeterred and continue putting in a lot of effort as I usually stop around this point, and I want to see what would happen if I kept this up for months, if I'd see any changes.
I'm in the process of setting up a shop on Etsy where I'll sell my art. My laptop is being annoying and won't save some of the photos I've taken of my paintings, which is causing a bit of a delay. I'm trying to sort something out, though. Hopefully I will have the shop properly set up by the end of the week (sooner if possible); this is something I'm really keen to do. It's terrifying though! It will be a huge, scary leap for me (kind of like starting up this blog actually), since I'm not particularly great at putting myself out there. It will be very rewarding if it goes well though! I've also made some good tracks as far as art is concerned, even producing one full drawing that I was very proud of! I really want to put some pictures up of my work since this blog is a bit lacking pictures wise, but considering the fact that my laptop is being a nuisance in terms of uploading photos that's looking quite unlikely. I might make a post specifically about my art and include pictures of my progress. Unfortunately I haven't quite thrown myself into most of the other activities I said I would, but I suppose there's still plenty of time! I've pretty much decided that my talents don't lie in making music (unfortunately) and on this basis I've decided to take a break from learning the guitar since I don't seem to be getting anywhere with my attempts. Sadly I haven't tried cooking anything properly yet, but hopefully that is something I will accomplish, I might set aside some time to get it done. At least I'm still blogging!
My mood has dropped significantly and I feel very isolated. I guess this was to be expected. Since I didn't have the time to plan this properly it's been difficult finding activities to fill the time that require me leaving the house. I guess that's why I jumped on the job when I was offered it (even now I would like a job, just one with slightly better hours and more stimulating work). I'm hoping that I will stumble upon some opportunity but I'm becoming less optimistic about this happening. I really wanted to work on improving my confidence as it was destroyed quite badly by my university experience, but I'm less sure of this happening now. I might have to find other ways to do this, like devising my own mental challenges and changing my mental attitude and perceptions of myself/ certain situations. However, as low as I feel at the moment, I know that it could never match how terrible I felt when I was actually at university. I don't really like thinking about it much because all those old feelings resurface.
I now plan on continuing with the voluntary work I had begun doing. I'm also in the process of thoroughly researching universities and making a decision about the one I want to attend. I recently went to some applicant days which were lovely. Id like to discuss them but this post is already insanely long so I might reflect on those in another post soon. It might even help make my decision easier, I'm having such a difficult time choosing! I'd also like to look into maybe doing some work experience, or something along those lines. I really need to end this post now, it's way, way too long.
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