Reflection #1

I thought I'd reflect on my progress since leaving- it's been nearly three weeks! I can confidently say that I'm glad I left, I know it wasn't the place for me, and though most people would preach about how it gets better, I just need to give it a bit of time, the first year is always difficult or it takes time to make good friends I'm happy I left when I did. It lessens the effect the environment would have had on me. I do feel a bit strange though- not completely miserable like I did before, but... a bit lost I suppose. I didn't plan to leave so didn't expect to have all this time off, and I'm sure what to do with it (plus I feel weirdly guilty, like I should be doing something. I suppose I just need to give it time).

Despite feeling a bit strange, I'm relatively proud of myself. I haven't accomplished as much as I'd have liked, but I've done a few things, and I'm quite happy with that. It's eased my mind, since I was worried that I wouldn't progress at all. I've managed to complete my university application, which I was probably most worried about since I didn't want give up on getting my degree, I just felt deeply uncomfortable in the environment I was getting my degree in. Hopefully I'll like university better the second time round! (and if not I'll be just a stone's throw away from home so I can come back regularly if I need to.)

I've also applied for one job, and will shortly start applying for more. In the mean time, however, I have arranged to do some unpaid work in the school my mum works at to gain some more work experience and fill my weeks out, because it gets quite lonely staying at home by yourself all the time. Hopefully it will help boost my confidence too! I've made a start on some of the activities that I said I would undertake during this time off- I've done a few paintings/drawings, started reading 'Jane Eyre' and I've been in the process of trying to teach myself a song on the guitar (though I haven't touched the guitar in a few days- it probably needs tuning). I've even done a little bit of cooking (and written a blog post about it), which is good for me, because I'm not the most talented chef and, therefore, try to avoid cooking as much as I can. I've also done, and enjoyed doing, a bit of housework. More that I'd normally do. It's relaxing in a way, and it makes me feel like I'm being productive. Plus it's nice to know that I'm helping my family.

I think the next thing I need to do is establish a proper routine, I've been waking up and going to sleep way later than I should, which is mildly disruptive. I think I'll get more done if I set myself a proper routine (and stick to it).  I think I might make a post about my routine pretty soon. I also need to work on applying for jobs, lots of jobs. I'll do reflective posts like these fairly regularly to help me track my progress during this 'gap year,' and to also help me pick myself up if I feel I'm slacking. I'm hoping they'll keep me on track.