Reflection #1

I thought I'd reflect on my progress since leaving- it's been nearly three weeks! I can confidently say that I'm glad I left, I know it wasn't the place for me, and though most people would preach about how it gets better, I just need to give it a bit of time, the first year is always difficult or it takes time to make good friends I'm happy I left when I did. It lessens the effect the environment would have had on me. I do feel a bit strange though- not completely miserable like I did before, but... a bit lost I suppose. I didn't plan to leave so didn't expect to have all this time off, and I'm sure what to do with it (plus I feel weirdly guilty, like I should be doing something. I suppose I just need to give it time).

Despite feeling a bit strange, I'm relatively proud of myself. I haven't accomplished as much as I'd have liked, but I've done a few things, and I'm quite happy with that. It's eased my mind, since I was worried that I wouldn't progress at all. I've managed to complete my university application, which I was probably most worried about since I didn't want give up on getting my degree, I just felt deeply uncomfortable in the environment I was getting my degree in. Hopefully I'll like university better the second time round! (and if not I'll be just a stone's throw away from home so I can come back regularly if I need to.)

I've also applied for one job, and will shortly start applying for more. In the mean time, however, I have arranged to do some unpaid work in the school my mum works at to gain some more work experience and fill my weeks out, because it gets quite lonely staying at home by yourself all the time. Hopefully it will help boost my confidence too! I've made a start on some of the activities that I said I would undertake during this time off- I've done a few paintings/drawings, started reading 'Jane Eyre' and I've been in the process of trying to teach myself a song on the guitar (though I haven't touched the guitar in a few days- it probably needs tuning). I've even done a little bit of cooking (and written a blog post about it), which is good for me, because I'm not the most talented chef and, therefore, try to avoid cooking as much as I can. I've also done, and enjoyed doing, a bit of housework. More that I'd normally do. It's relaxing in a way, and it makes me feel like I'm being productive. Plus it's nice to know that I'm helping my family.

I think the next thing I need to do is establish a proper routine, I've been waking up and going to sleep way later than I should, which is mildly disruptive. I think I'll get more done if I set myself a proper routine (and stick to it).  I think I might make a post about my routine pretty soon. I also need to work on applying for jobs, lots of jobs. I'll do reflective posts like these fairly regularly to help me track my progress during this 'gap year,' and to also help me pick myself up if I feel I'm slacking. I'm hoping they'll keep me on track.

Making the most of my free time

Since leaving university I have an abundance of free time, in which I have chosen to work on improving certain hobbies and pass times of mine (at least until I get a full time job). I just feel like I need to be doing something productive with my time, and I think that this will really help with my self development. I have certain things that I have prioritised, such as reapplying to university and finding a job, and I will also be doing most of the housework now (I'm very grateful to my parents for supporting me through the whole process and letting me come home immediately when I wanted to), but rather than waste the rest of my time binge watching Netflix, I thought it would be character building to focus on improving on activities I already enjoy. I will probably still do a bit of Netflix binge watching.
These activities include:

• Drawing- I like drawing but I have always wanted to be better at it and learn how draw more realistically. I've decided to choose something to draw and follow some online tutorials and persist at it until I'm really happy with it (if I'm actually ever happy with it). I'll post the progress and results to this blog.
• Playing guitar- I've been playing guitar on and off for years now. I've never been particularly good at it, though I've always wanted to be. Maybe if I stuck at it I'd be a lot better at it. This time I'm going to try and stick at it and see where it gets me.
• Cooking- I generally want to improve my diet actually. I'd like to be healthier and ultimately aim to clear up my eczema as best I can. It would be much easier to achieve a healthy diet if I could cook well and make healthy food, so I've decided to do that too. Again, I'll blog about my progress with this, and share my favourite recipes. 
• Reading- technically this isn't something that I want to improve as such, but I do want to read more widely, and to read things that I wouldn't usually read for leisure. My aim is to basically never be without a book.
• Writing- I want to write more. I've always wanted to write more. That's why I've set up this blog, in order to encourage me to do so. I haven't really had the confidence and I've never known where to start either, so I think this blog is a good starting point. 
• Hair and make up- this one is pretty frivolous, but I thought it would be pretty fun nevertheless. I know there's more to life than looks, but I think it would be nice to see what I can do with my appearance too, and it would be awesome to learn some hair and make up skills. It's not a priority, but it might make me feel a little better in some way. I'm focusing on the inside, but it might be nice to give a bit of thought to the outside too.

I'm going to try and bog about these activities- for the moment this is most likely what I will focus on in my blog posts. I'm quite pleased with my progress so far- I've filled in quite a bit of my UCAS form and I'm beginning my personal statement (this was a great source of anxiety for me but it's far less terrifying than I thought it would be), I've already started reading Jane Eyre, I'm practising a song on the guitar and I've made healthy brownies which tasted fantastic! Oh, and I set up a blog and made two posts :)