More things to do in the remainder of my time off

I had made a post recently about things I could do in the remainder of my gap year since I didn't want to completely waste it. I feel that it's more important that I focus on things like work experience, jobs, volunteering etc. (i.e. things that will boost my CV), so I explored all those options in that post. However, there are, of course, activities I can take up in this time that will still be enriching, even if they don't necessarily improve my employability, so I've decided to make a post about some of these activities.

• Draw/paint/come up with designs and stuff just for fun. I've bought myself a proper sketch book in order to do this, so it would be nice to fill this up.
• Read lots
• Keep writing and blogging, and try and do this as regularly as possible
• Learn something new, like an instrument or a language (this would be really cool, especially the language one, but I don't really know how to go about learning it without paying someone to teach me or buying a bunch of books. Also I'd have to buy the instrument as well if I wanted to learn it, unless I just stuck to guitar)
• Teach myself to cook (or learn from mum)
• Improve driving
• Focus on losing weight/getting healthy
• Help around the house (which I actually don't mind doing too much)
• Get myself prepared for university again
• Find ways of improving my self confidence/self esteem
• Look into making friends online 
• Find my own style and learn to do my make up better
• Take weekly trips into the town centre

That's all I can think of doing for now. I'll update this as and when I think  of things (if I do).

Venting

I've just started feeling quite anxious and overwhelmed lately and felt that I really needed to make a blog post about it to (hopefully) clear my mind just slightly. Today I had a moment of clarity in that I felt the one thing that I really wanted to come out of with after this time off is an improved sense of confidence. I've been feeling so weak and anxious recently, to the point where I feel like I can't do anything at all. It's so pathetic really. I think I've been putting so much pressure on myself to get something done, I've been forcing myself to apply to jobs (and, as a result, ending up with the worst job I could have imagined), forcing myself to come up with lots of options of things to do in this time off (I'm not sure if I can really call it a gap year; I'm not sure if I want to), and feeling like shit because of it. I know it's not good for me, it's counter productive and it's just making me feel worse. It's weighing me down so much, which is why I felt I needed to write this post, in the hope that it might relieve some of the stress I've been putting myself under. Anyway, after feeling particularly shaky and nervous this morning (for a specific reason that I won't go into, mainly because it's so stupid) I realised that I would need to find some way of coping, some way of being self sufficient and able to properly support and take care of myself. Since I have all this time of, it seemed, naturally, that now would be the best time to work on improving my confidence (beyond the small challenges that I try to set myself and, quite frankly fail to achieve, as I have documented in my monthly posts on this blog) and overall well being. I want to feel strong enough to take care of myself, to be able to pursue every opportunity I want to, to be able to effectively deal with failure and rejection and to be completely and totally comfortable in my own skin. If I achieve anything in this 'gap year' I want it to be this.

Things to do in the remainder of my time off

It's March, which means I have about six months left until I go back to university. While I've adjusted to being off and I'm embracing the fact that I have nothing to do and no real pressure since this will most likely be the only time in my life that I have this much time off, I still think it would be a shame to let all this time go to waste. I feel like my attitude has changed- not for the worse but not necessarily for the better. It has just changed. Therefore, my ideas and ambitions have been altered as a result, and the plans I had made in November don't have as much of an appeal any more. I want to do things a bit differently, and I keep coming up with ideas then forgetting them, so I'm going to make this post in order to keep track of everything idea I come up with.
These are a few ideas of things I'd like to do with my time in the remaining six months (other than relaxing and watching Netflix):

• Find some work experience in a sector I might be interested in going into (and begin researching this pretty much NOW)
• Maybe find some other voluntary work to do alongside the work I'm doing, just to have a little extra 
• At least keep the prospect of opening my online art shop alive. This is something I still want to do and I am very close to finishing, but I need to make sure that my money will remain safe in doing so, and I need to consider whether it really is worth taking the risk. 
• If I open the art shop, do some research into business stuff since I'm completely clueless about that, as well as looking into doing promotions and using social media as a way of doing this. I plan on using Instagram initially (I've already been posting some of my drawings on there so it makes sense). I'll branch out if my shop starts to do okay.
• Promoting this blog (or starting another blog with a theme to promote). This blog has always been for me really, and I've never been to bothered about it getting popular or anything. If someone reads it and it inspires them and makes them happy then that's great, but I pretty much do this for myself. However, I read this article about a woman who started a blog in a gap year and learned how to promote it etc. and gained a lot of skills other than writing from doing this, and this made me consider doing the same, since I'd love to gain all those skills too.
• Find some sort of job. I'm definitely going to be more careful about this and I've cooled down my search since I left the last one because I don't want the same scenario to happen again too soon (plus I've been focusing on choosing a university). I've also found it quite difficult to find a job which makes the search a bit arduous since it includes filling out multiple forms that take ages only to be rejected. I really don't understand how people say 'get a part time job' so matter of factly like it's something that it's very easy to come by. Or maybe I'm just doing it wrong. I'm probably doing it wrong. Anyway, I don't plan on giving up looking, just being less aggressive about it and taking time to find a job that will suit me.
• Start reading and preparing for university. There's a lot of reading to be done on an English course (obviously) so it would be great to get a head start since I have the time. It'll help me to manage my time more effectively later on when I begin my course too. I'll probably also make some notes on the books and possibly highlight a few things in preparation (though it's difficult to know what might be relevant in the book without knowing what perspective we'll look at the literature in).

Alongside these ideas (which were pretty much all my own)  I've also been doing some research so I could add to this list, but, sadly, most of it revolved around getting a job and working for a bit then travelling. Of course I would love to have a job (that's what I most wanted when I realised I would have all this time off, but finding one that's at least slightly reasonable (i.e. doesn't involve me working until late in the night) has been a massive struggle. These seem like my best options so I'll look into them and keep posting regularly about my plans to keep track of all the things I'd planned, as well as keeping my mind organised. I'll update this list if I come up with any other ideas. 

Achievements and Improved Confidence- February

I've decided that I'm going to make monthly posts up until I go to university (and possibly even beyond then) where I keep track of everything I've done in the month that has gone towards improving my confidence. These things would usually be stuff I wouldn't have normally done, but could also include things that made me feel much happier and gave me a better perspective on life. This will hopefully help me achieve my aim of improving my confidence over my gap year. These are the things I've done over February:

• Attended university applicant days and actually managed to make conversation with some of my fellow applicants. 
• The job thing?? I'm not actually sure if this counts but I feel in a weird sort of way it does.

I've been to some university open days before but I've never actually managed to get to know my fellow applicants a little. This really did help boost my confidence a little as it reminded me that I'm not completely socially inept and helped restore my hope in having a better time at university the second time round a little, and it made my visits just a little bit more enjoyable. Plus it's nice to talk to people when you don't get to see anyone much. 

I don't know if the job thing counts. I suppose the best bits (applying for it, doing well in the interview and being offered the job) all happened in January, but I think a degree of confidence was required in taking a job despite the fear of working until late at night. Of course there's also the getting everything sorted and figuring out what to do on my first shift. It wasn't a huge confidence boost but I think it was something. At least I can say that I did it and I hated it- I would have regretted it otherwise if a hadn't taken it.
I thought about it a little more since writing the above paragraph and I think it does, in a weird way. Of course, it would have been a bigger achievement and confidence boost if it had worked out, but it meant that I was forced to act like a damn adult for once in my life. This is going to sound so pathetic, but I'd normally just hide behind my parents and get them to clear up my mess as much as possible (as I did with university). This time I managed to make my own decision and come to my own realisations, and I was the one who undid my mess and found out about leaving. The whole job thing was down to me, from finding the vacancy, to applying, to arranging every induction to deciding to leave. For me, it was quite a big thing, even though it must seem tiny to most other people my age.

I'm a sad that I haven't done a bit more, but February is a shorter month so I'm going to use that as an excuse (as well as trying to take more opportunities to improve my confidence)